☀️ How I Got Over the Fear of Sharing Online

I used to believe that I was not the type of person who would ever be completely comfortable sharing about myself online.

Like, I'm talking about from a genetic compositional level.

I used to tell myself that it's not just because I'm not good at it and not just because of the ways I was brought up, but because the way my DNA is sequenced meant that I have a predisposition to feeling anxiety and overwhelm in online spaces.

And as a millennial born in the late 90s, right when MySpace, Facebook, and a subsequent horde of social media platforms emerged, I often felt like I was born in the wrong century.

Early Signs

There were early signs that maybe I wasn't exactly cut out for this type of internet stuff.

First, there was Xanga (for any Gen Z or Gen X kids reading, it was an online blog that looked like this):

Not only did I not know how to customize or format my blog like all my friends did, but I also remember feeling so self-conscious that my blog was mostly just empty.

The only proud thing I did was finding a way to put my favorite Naruto-themed picture as my wallpaper and having this OG Jay Chou song play as soon as you landed on my website.

Then Myspace came along. (Did you know that LinkedIn was founded BEFORE even Myspace? Neither did I)

Then Facebook.
Then Youtube.
Then Reddit.
Then Twitter.
Then Quora.
Then Pinterest.
Then Instagram.
Then Snapchat.
Then TikTok.

And whenever each new thing came along, I would always give it a little whirl to see how I would interact with it.

But it never felt right.

I never felt safe in it.

That's when I created a belief in my head that I chose to live by:

That maybe, just maybe, I am not meant to be online in a world where it will increasingly be more online.

And that is just the reality I had to sit with.

Made It Part of My Identity

I was proud of the fact that I wasn't "online" as much. And that also meant that I felt like I was one of the only few people who was almost never on his phone.

And I took so much pride in that.

Every statistic I saw about social media being bad for our mental health validated everything I was feeling.

I started to even unconsciously believe that I was "better" than the individuals who were always online.

I judged people who would take pictures of their food or take selfies because I would think to myself:

"I'm so glad I'm not like that. I don't need to capture and share this moment just to feel seen in this world."

But I could never fully admit to myself that I created that narrative in my head to protect myself until I couldn't anymore.

Pandemic changed everything

When I lost my job in the midst of the 2020 pandemic, I was so scared of what to do.

It was the first time I was so disillusioned with working in corporate America, and I felt betrayed and abandoned by a company that I invested a lot of myself into.

It didn’t help that I was laid off during a time period when the unemployment rate was reported to be the highest since the Great Depression.

After learning life-changing lessons from this particular unemployment, I knew that this was the moment that was inviting me to step into entrepreneurship, even though I had no idea what it meant yet.

I also knew deep down that there was no way I could learn to be an entrepreneur at this moment of time without learning to be comfortable with writing, sharing, connecting, and promoting myself on the internet.

So I decided to start small.

Taking Baby Steps

The first project I ever launched online was this music newsletter (which I still continue to write to this day):

Before that, for my entire lifespan on Twitter, I had only tweeted 10 times.

This was the first time I ever experienced random strangers giving me genuine comments and encouragement on something that was very personal to me.

And I realized that if sharing about myself can be as simple as these 140-character prompts, then maybe I can do it a little bit at a time.

And just like that, 140 characters at a time, I started sharing throughout the week and month.

Soon I no longer saw this “online” as a giant ocean with turbulent waves ready to knock me off the ground, and instead started to see it as a playground for my thoughts, ideas, and even my authenticity.

The more I shared, the more I saw that quantity leads to quality.

I even shared puns.

But soon I became much more comfortable sharing out loud projects and initiatives I was doing.

I understood the power of the #buildinpublic movement, where I can take people along my journey of building a product and even a company so they can be a part of all the ups and downs, the wins and losses.

When I first formed my LLC, I shared about it.

And this year, after a challenge from a friend, I recorded myself talking in front of the camera for the first time.

That led me to finally feel ready to return to Instagram to share daily content about my work as a mindset & creativity coach and how it relates to overcoming limiting beliefs, unleashing one’s creativity, and finding alignment with one’s higher self’s calling.

I also launched this newsletter and my own podcast there.

Here are my 3 biggest learnings from this journey so far:

My Learnings

1. The internet may be flawed, but it's what we got

Last year I had a sticky note on my work desk that read: "Accept what is, not what should be."

When it comes to our World Wide Web, it is so easy these days to point our fingers at the ways the internet is flawed.

Especially how the promise of making us feel more "connected" continues to fall short and disappoint.

And every subsequent technology trend from social media to AR/VR to web3/NFT/Metaverse, now to AI; it all feels like it's taking us down the wrong path, making us more disconnected from ourselves, from each other, and from the natural world.

But at the same time, this is the internet we have, so how do we make the best of it?

And for me, it’s realizing that I have the power and agency to use this internet as intentionally as I want.

The internet is what you make of it.

And the moment you are intentional about how you want to use it, you will find people who are also doing it intentionally.

2. Sharing online holds up a mirror to your internal world

Every time young Andrew was feeling anxious scrolling through Instagram or feeling overwhelmed trying to come up with a new tweet, or feeling shame when he opened LinkedIn

Those moments and feelings are the most powerful mirrors of the parts of me that I was too afraid to look at or admit to myself.

I was so scared to admit to myself that I so badly wanted to express myself to the world and be seen, loved, and accepted.

All of us do.

I was just too scared of being rejected.

Due to my people-pleasing tendencies, I couldn't handle disappointing or being rejected by even just one individual.

So I couldn't imagine the possibility of potentially being rejected by tens, hundreds, or potentially thousands of strangers I have never met.

I was so scared for them to see who I was really was, which was just an insecure kid who really just wanted to accepted and loved as he was.

That's when I started seeing this "online" as a sparring partner.

Whenever I notice any feelings of overwhelm or anxiety showing up when I'm sharing or creating, I take a second to drop into the body and notice what's coming up.

And sometimes I would even close the app altogether and say to myself, "This is the best I can do today, and that's okay."

And this leads to my final learning…

3. Sharing online is the ultimate arena of practicing non-attachment

If there is one thing I’ve learned in my 4 years of inner work and meditating over 1200 days in a row, it’s this:

The key to developing more inner peace, mental resilience, and finding more joy and fulfillment in life is non-attachment, or a state of being where you are not overly dependent on or emotionally attached to outcomes, possessions, relationships, or desires.

When it comes to sharing and creating online, these social media companies have hired teams of behavior psychologists, user experience designers, and engineers to build products that were designed to amplify our innermost desires to be loved and accepted by others.

It’s no wonder that using these platforms can bring up so many complex feelings for so many of us, especially when it comes to insecurity around self-image and worth.

It was never really our fault, because the engine and the algorithms behind it were designed that way.

And for the longest time, it felt like the only two options we had were to play the game or completely opt out of all of it.

But what if I told you there’s a third option?

That third option is sharing, posting, and creating without the attachment to the outcomes.

It means no longer being attached to the followers, likes, reposts, comments, views, impressions, shares, or bookmarks.

But it also doesn’t mean that you don’t have to look at these metrics at all because they do give you information on how you can continue to iterate and improve on tailoring your content to be seen by more eyeballs.

Taking the third option could sound something like this:

I want to grow my social media following but I will not be attached to how many likes, comments, or even the speed of follower growth. Instead, I will focus on creating content that feels aligned with who I am AND that the audience I’m trying to reach is finding resonance in.

And every time you share a post, tweet, thread, reel, or video, is an opportunity to practice this non-attachment.

To notice any discomfort that comes up, to listen to it, and to choose a different way of relating to that feeling.

To feel empowered and excited about showing up differently.

And always know that if you still have fear, know that I’ve been in your shows.
 
I see you. I believe in you.

And if you ever need a cheerleader you can always tag me @atsaotsao in all of the socials ❤️.

What fears or insecurities do you feel when sharing online, and how can you begin to address them?